Hi there everyone! So this blog is mainly in spanish, but since I also have a lot of English speaker friends, I’ve decided to make this blog on both languages.
So lately I have been putting attention to some struggles I have with my body image. I think I have always have those struggles, but this last weekend I went to a wedding and I looked at myself in pictures and well… the whole “I don’t like my body” thing stated again.
I felt really down and anxious, having plenty of not very helpful thoughts like: why do I look like that, how come others look better than me, why I can’t have other body, my body is horrible, other people might think I’m fat and disgusting, other people may think “why does she doesn’t make a thing to change her looks”…. I was so ashamed of the way I looked.
But then I remember my DBT classes about radical acceptance. When you start to think: ohh why me? Then you’re not radically accepting a thing and if you don’t accept it, there is nothing you can do about it. So I went to radical acceptance, I have the body I have, it doesn’t matter if other people have a different body, I have the body I have, denying it won’t change a thing. But I don’t like the body I have, so what can I do?
First I realized I was filtering the information, I assumed that I was the only one who hated the way I looked in pictures. So I went to facebook and openly asked about it. As I found out, plenty of women dislike how they look in pictures, I wasn’t alone. Then I even thought about this, even actresses pay to editors so they will never show bad pictures of them. I was also on black and white thinking because I don’t dislike every picture of myself, actually I have some pictures of myself that I do like. So maybe the fact that I don’t look so good in pictures doesn’t mean that I have a horrible body, maybe it means I’m not really photogenic haha!
So I went to all of the “I love my body” movements and facebook pages that I found. They have the idea that we shouldn’t hate our body, but love it instead. So I was thinking: how can I love my body? What can I do to love it? But then it hit me that is b/w thinking too! Loving or hating seems too extreme for me, how about liking some parts of my body and not liking other parts? I think that is a very balanced way. I just can’t love every inch of my body, I still need some gray area, and it makes me feel more real and more achievable than loving EVERY inch.
The last thing I realized is that I feel ashamed that I don’t have a naturally thin body. I was not only comparing my body, but the effort I have to do. I was thinking: how come other woman don’t seem to have to do anything in order to be thin, they just are. There was a lot of filtering in there, first because I don’t know if they really don’t do anything in order to be thin. Other filtering is that there are some people that are naturally thin, but there are other that are not. There are plenty of people that have to work hard to be fit and healthy.
In past DBT classes I have realized that my main problem is that I want to appear perfect and natural. Like I don’t have to do any kind of effort to be perfect, big mistake of course. So this body thing was the same, I shoulding myself with: you should be thin and do it effortless. That is not true. So now I’m thinking about taking some action to maybe loose some pounds and get fit. I’m going to try to remember that there is nothing wrong to not being perfect, we are all working hard to achieve what we want.